Courtship and purity

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here in the sign of God – and in the face of this company – to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

Imagine a married person holding hands, kissing, and making googly eyes at someone that is not their spouse. It just isn’t right, is it? Well, a single person doing those things is still doing it outside of marriage, with someone other than their spouse. These things are meant to be shared within marriage.

Our family is preparing our children for “courtship.” Which is sort of like what is commonly known as dating, but not exactly the same way. Courtship and dating are just words, and while many people have vary different ideas of what these terms mean, our family has no hard and fast “rules.” We basically intend to encourage our children to try to keep their hearts intact and their body pure for their future mate, and their mind focused on the Lord -- what all Christians want for thier children. Why we call it 'courtship' is due to our intention of avoiding the “aloneness” of typical dating practices.

We plan for them as a couple to not spend time alone in order to restrict the opportunity for temptation. We will also encourage them to get input from both sets of parents, and we’d like for the parents to know everyone, too.

We hope that they make the wisest possible decision for marriage. A beginning relationship would focus on getting to know each other, by being open and honest about themselves and their expectations, in order to see if they are truly spiritually compatible. It will be a time to evaluate if the potential mate is saved and desires to serve the Lord. It will be a time to pray together, determine common interests, discuss goals, and flaws, too.

We truly desire to glorify God in the process. “For you are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1 Co 6:20) God is very much in favor of commitment. Testament (as in Old and New Testament) is another word for covenant. When God makes a covenant with us, we can count on Him to keep it. Marriage is a type of covenant, and we hope to honor that commitment by keeping our word and promises.

In contrast, in typical “dating” the object is usually just plain old fun. There’s nothing wrong with fun, and we’re encouraging it. But we are trying to avoid being attracted solely based on physical attraction. A dating couple is usually given private time together and time alone encourages physical affection. It sure can be dangerous to willingly put yourself in that position. Most older folks admit that any immorality before marriage is regretted later. Dating denies the strong temptation of the flesh, which can lead to trouble, even among strong Christians whose intentions are initially honorable.

Dating relationships are also kind of like “mini marriages” that normally end. Couples tend to fall “in love” and tell each other so. Then, the couple “breaks up” and the process begins all over again with someone else. This seems to me to be practice for divorce more than preparation for marriage. And that “first love” (and possibly second, third, fourth, and so on) can haunt a marriage later in life.

In all that we do and say, and in all of our relationships, we should remember what is important is to keep centered on Christ. This is especially true to keep in the forefront of your mind as you search for that one person that will be your lifelong partner in serving Christ. So whether you “date” or “court,” remember to keep Christ-focused.