T2 Marriage

I'm sure you couldn't help but notice that the word submit or 'be in subjection to' was translated from the word "hupotasso" in Greek. We are told in Scripture to submit to one another... all brothers and sisters in Christ, to authorities and earthly laws, to our church elders, ... and to our husbands.

Contrary to what is often taught in popular marriage books, the Bible doesn't ever give wives a "formula" for us to *obey* to be blessed.

Now I agree that the scriptures obviously tell us to submit to our husbands. But what does submission mean? It doesn't mean "obey." The word 'obey' was used in Titus 2 verse 5, but it is the same word "hupotasso" that was translated into the word 'submit' every other time. I think 'obey' wasn't a great translation. The word 'obey' found in the"children obey your parents" verses is the Greek word, hupakouo. Completely different words and meanings.

When God made Adam, it says that it was not good for Adam to be alone, that he needed a help meet for him. After Adam observed the animals, there was not found a help meet suitable for him, so God created Eve. In Greek, it literally says, "a help counterpart." Eve was created out of Adam's side, and was intended to be Adam's partner in every way.

Some are teaching women to submit to their husbands as if that's all that a woman has to do. If you think about it a little, you'll see that this would mean the only verses that wives would need are the "wives" verses, because the man is accountable and the woman is just supposed to do what he tells her. That would mean that all of the rest of the Bible would really apply to the men only. But, the complete Bible is for wives as well. We are each, individually held accountable to God's Word. We wives will stand before the Bema seat of Christ - we won't be standing around waiting to see how our husband does.

In 2 Corinthians 5:10 Paul writes, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad” (2 Cor 5:10).

If we ponder on the submission scriptures above prayerfully, we see that all Christians should be submitting to each other as to the Lord including not only our husband, but our employer, our law makers and enforcers, our government authorities, and our church elders. Submit as we would to the Lord Jesus Himself.

But I imagine that those reading would agree that we are required to use discernment in our submission. We would all agree that there would be times we would need to say “no” to a brother or sister in Christ, to a church elder, to a policeman, or to an employer. We need to be able to discern if something is clearly not of the Lord that we must refuse (respectfully, of course). When the high priest commanded Peter and the apostles not to teach, they answered “We ought to obey God rather than men. (Act 5:27-29)

Submission to the Lord always comes before submission to people. The Scriptures make that clear. Submission to the Lord implies resistance to the enemy. If we submit to the enemy, we resist the Lord. An action can’t serve both the Lord and the enemy. We can’t “serve two masters…” (Mat 6:24) The scriptures tell us to “submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you (Jam 4:7,8).

Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord.” What does “as to the Lord” mean? Rather than blind obedience to a man, I believe we are to apply Scriptural guidelines so that we can discern God’s Will and be able to choose right from wrong. When we submit to the Lord (through our husbands or anyone else) we must discern what is OF the Lord. In 1 Peter 3, the man will see his wife’s pure behavior and be won over by it. If she were to follow him in impure behavior, then the husband wouldn’t see holiness in her.

The Bible says if any man, even if an angel teaches any other gospel “let him be accursed.” (Gal 1:8,9) We are told to “Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” (Ro 12:9) So even if an angel were to tell us to do something evil, we would be required to discern and resist – to cleave or ‘stick’ to what is good. We are not to submit to what is not of the Lord. The Holy Spirit will lead, guide and help us to discern His Word if we are truly seeking to serve Him rather than ourselves.

So what does submission mean? It doesn’t mean we are to be doormats. How are you able to "help" in other ways in life -- in church, in the office, or as a citizen? Aren't you able to use your strengths? Speak your mind and share ideas?

Whenever possible we should put aside our feelings, our frustrations, and our pride, and serve one another with love. And this includes our husbands. We need to submit to (accept) their faults and not try to change them. We should hold our husbands in high esteem, encourage them, support them and avoid being argumentative, irritable, or complainers.

I have to admit I cringe whenever I hear it taught that a woman is to be blamed for her husband’s behavior, sometimes told outright that her husband would be loving or godly if only she was more submissive. And often told if her husband is not loving or godly, then it must be her fault for not being submissive. God's Word is never a *formula.* None of us can, or should be, claiming to be in perfect humble, honoring submission to our husbands and therefore somehow worthy of their love and godliness. So, we should never feel so perfect as to point fingers in blame at women who are struggling with failing marriages, and imply ‘if she’d only been submissive, she would have a good marriage.’ We are to submit to bring glory to the Lord, not for expected results.

We love and serve God because He loved us first. We give grace and love to others because we are grateful for the love and grace He gave us. Period.

So, that is why on this site, and on our board, my intention is to encourage "love" and "respect" rather than use the word submission. Because submission has been so twisted by those in the patriarchal teachings. A Christian man should not be requiring or demanding anything of his wife that she doesn’t feel completely at ease to do or give. No where does the word of God give anyone a reason to think they have power over another person. The Word does NOT say a husband should require his wife to submit. Submission is a gift a wife chooses to give. Scripture tells us to love and serve, not be lords and masters.

Wouldn't you admit it is wonderful when your husband demonstrates his love and respect for you? The same is true for most men. They love it when their wife demonstrates her love and respect for him. I believe that most, if not all, of us could improve on the level of love and respect that we show our husbands. And I imagine that that many marriages would improve if the wife made a conscientious effort to demonstrate her love and respect. That is why this site exists - to encourage love and respect.

But, in some cases, it won’t improve the marriage. 1 CO 7:15 says, “if the unbelieving departs, let him depart,” so we know in some cases, a marriage will just not work out. We need to remember our important calling to “love our neighbor as ourselves” and we should never even appear to place blame or increase guilt.

Let us be willing to give up our own desires for the good of others, submitting to one another for our Lord.

I have read and recommend both of these books. They both give a nice, balanced and Biblical view of marriage. Clicking on them will take you to Amazon, where you can read about it, read some excerpts and reviews as well:

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